The tailgater

Every time we hit the expressway our main aim is to move into the fast lane.  It has become a habit.  The slow lane isn't inviting at all because there are the 'too slow drivers' whose fastest is around the region of 80 kph.  You make yourself tired more quickly weaving in and out between lanes.  On top of that is the bumpy ride.  Having slow-moving and heavy vehicles on that side all the time probably wears out the tarmac faster.  There are always rough patches coming up barely a few months after each resurface.  So we keep on the fast lane and make way for speedsters when they show up in the rear-view.  Not quite a safe strategy, but then, out on the highway, when's it ever safe?

I was in the 65% seat as usual.  That seat is dubbed 65% because the vulnerability in case of a crash is roughly in that region.  My colleague was driving, and his usual speed was 110-130 kph.  Morning traffic around this time on the expressway was normal and easy-going.  But that morning our driver was a bit edgy.  I soon noticed why.  He was grumbling under his breath about some crazy guy behind us.  A tailgater.  He speeded up slightly.  The tailgater followed suit and kept sticking to our behind.  For us normal guys that's uncomfortable to say the least.

We braced ourselves for some quick change in our situation.  Soon enough, we noticed about a kilometer further down the road there appeared to be something not quite ordinary had just happened.  Our driver reduced his speed slightly but was on the lookout for a gap in the next lane.  He was an occasional tailgater himself, but he knew the hazards pretty well.  As soon as he got one gap that gave him enough clearance he cut in to it. 

The tailgater zoomed pass us.  He found himself staring at a couple of glaring red tail lights which were moving at less than half his speed.  Surprised, he swerved right with his tires emitting squeals and smoke.  His fender grazed the center guard rails and bounced back into the lane and 'swayed his dancing hips' a few times.  Somehow he managed to avoid major damage.  We could have given him a standing ovation, only we couldn't stand up.  We just clapped our hands as we cruised past him.  It was too dark for him to see our brief jubilation anyway.

By this time, in front of us was the site of an overturned truck with it's load of fruits and vegetables spilled all over the tarmac leaving only a small gap for us to pass through.

See ya Mr. Tailgater.  We may never meet again, but then there are your relatives who behave just like you out there somewhere.  They may not be as lucky.  That goes for us too, but we hope they give us a sign so we can avoid them.  We're not too eager to compete with them anyway.  We're allergic to sudden stops.

7 deadly sins

From the prettiest of princes and princesses down to the ugliest looking golums;
from the filthiest of the rich to the lowliest of paupers,
the 7 deadly sins has been there and actively treacherous
since man first walked the face of the earth.
It is up to each and his/her set of moral values and priorities to get through all that,
and if luck be with him/her, untainted if possible.

So, pick your priorities right and if you're up to gambling, place your bets.
Just don't wail about your luck if you're caught with your pants down.
Just say sorry to those who got caught in the path of your fall.
Just pick up the pieces and go lick your wounds,
for tomorrow they will find something else to fill those front pages...

Walking with a pebble in your shoe

Know what it is like walking with a pebble in your shoe? To solve the problem all you need to do is get rid of the pebble. But you'll have to do it while the rest of the gang keeps marching on. If you stop to do it, you'll be left behind.

You know you can catch up if you hurry. But no, you're not up to chasing, panting and out of breath and get sneered at. No, it's actually only in your mind. I mean, the sneering part.

But if you don't get rid of that pebble it will start to hurt your foot. Soon you'll get sores, and if you still insist on walking on, your foot will start to swell. Eventually, you'll have to stop because the pain will get unbearable. By then, you may not be able to walk any further.

So it is the same thing with a necessary task which you feel is totally unpleasant. But whatever happens, the job has to be done. If you don't complete and get it over with, it will keep nagging at your conscience.

Mostly another factor is, other people's progress depend on your job input to complete. The project will not get done in time. Eventually your boss will be breathing down your neck. Come what may you'll still have to do it.

Usually once you get started it becomes easier and less unpleasant. By the time you complete the job you might even feel great.

This one also applies to straightening out someone in your team who gets out of line, stopping a machine to tighten a loosened nut, or replacing a worn-out tire.

Do it now.

Everyone loves a good joke, but..

Everyone loves a good joke. I'm no exception. But considering the great amount of jokes our MPs and other big shots are generating out of their mouths these days, we don't even need to look for new ones to keep us amused. But then some like the submarine that don't dive jokes suddenly become a reason for us to be worried when the lame excuses why they don't come from a minister himself. Now, that's no joke.

Now we can see why in the darkest days when Poland was still struggling behind the iron curtain, the Polish used to joke a lot, especially about themselves, their living conditions, their daily struggles and their politicians. I was trying to find some of those gems I used to read, but they seem to evade me. Maybe now that the Polish are finally free of the oppression they simply let those jokes dissipate and fade away.

Can we hope for the same miracle to happen to us and our tragic/comic situation here in our bolehland?

Meanwhile, here's to share with you the results of my search for jokes to keep my spirits up while watching the real tragic-comedy going on...

Too hot to handle

I heard a certain farming community in Australia have annual chilli growing competitions. One of the contests was to determine who can come out with the hottest chilli in the state.

A Malaysian wife of an Australian friend heard about the competition and was curious enough to want to know how hot were the chillies they could cultivate. She was sceptical because she thought the teeny-weeny dynamite chilli padi from home was supposed to be the hottest thing this side of the globe and nothing can beat its kick.

The hubby was quietly amused but he managed to grab a handful of the best samples after the competition was over and gave them to the wife. "Here honey, try these and let's hear your verdict."

The wife, following her favorite rice cooking method from home decided to throw some of the chillis into the pot of rice she was cooking.

The result: She had to throw away the whole pot of rice. Nobody in the family could eat it. It was too hot.

Hey! Not over my head!

Accidents won't be called 'accidents' if we can foresee them. But sometimes with a little care and common sense we can prevent accidents from happening.

If you're running a restaurant and hire waiters and waitresses to serve customers, I'm sure some of the things you train your workers to do or not to do should come as a matter of priority.

Yes, your waiters' and waitresses' job scope is to serve customers. But I would put certain safety procedures as a major requirement. Along with customer service skills, your people should be well trained to safeguard customers as well as themselves while performing their duties, whether or not your restaurant subscribe to the ISO 14000 certification. It could also prevent litigation or compensation costs.

The following episode could have been a potential disaster if my nephew had not been watching his baby. Never mind that an accident didn't happen. Rather, it was prevented from happening. We could all take that as a lesson learnt.

We were having dinner at a club restaurant and nephew requested for some hot water. The waiter came over with a jug and stood behind the baby who was sitting quietly on his baby chair. Someone handed him a glass. Noticing that the waiter was about to pour the hot water into the glass, right over the baby's head, nephew quickly shielded the baby's head with his hands at the same time giving the waiter an earful. That was the first time I saw my nephew lose his cool.

I'm not sure if he took the case to the captain or supervisor. Of course, the argument would have been, 'Well, nothing happened, right?' So, what's the complaint?' That's normal reaction. Nothing went wrong, so no case.

But I certainly hope that waiter learned an important lesson: Never transfer anything from one container to another over someone's head. And a baby is certainly someone important.

Eat for Charity - Yeah, that's right....

Dine for Haiti

Damansara Village Steamboat
is organising a fund raising event for the victims of the devastating earthquake in
Haiti.

Event:
Dine for Haiti. Charity dinner event.

Date/time:

Friday, February 5, 2010. From 5.30pm to 11.30 pm

Venue:

Damansara Village Steamboat Restaurant
1067, Jalan Jenjarum, Kg. Sg. Kayu Ara, off Jalan SS23/10, 47400 Petaling Jaya.
Tel: 03 7803 1832.
GPS coordinates: Latitude: 3° 7'26.64"N Longitude: 101°36'46.71"E


* Come and dine on our fresh, live sea-food with our secret recipe herbal soup steamboat. All items on menu at normal prices.
* Spot the celebrities.
* Participate in Celebrity Item Auctions.
* Photograph with the celebrities.

ALL proceeds go to the Haiti earthquake victims.

This event will not be publicised in the mainstream media. It is NOT an event to generate publicity for Damansara Village Steamboat Restaurant. It is a simple opportunity to give something back to fellow human beings in need. Please help to spread the word about this event through your blogs, Facebook, Twitter, coffee morning groups....

CELEBRITY PARTICIPATION.

List of celebrities participating in the event (subject to change without notice:-

1: Yasmin Yusuff, radio deejay, host, former Ms. Malaysia/Universe
2. Hans Isaac, actor, producer
3. Amber Chia, super model, actor, brand ambassador
4. Daphne Iking, TV host, actor
5. Andrea Fonseka TV host, former Ms. Malaysia/Universe
6. Ben Ibrahim, TV host

Depressing things to read

I was reading this crappy piece of opinion.

Then I read some historical, political and economic analysis.

After that I read what this ice-cream seller had to say.

All are depressing things to read about and some parts even confusing to say the least.

I think the way my friend the 'paper-wrapper' thinks, makes the most sense to me. Thanks, kawan. Whatever you've got under your tudung saji, you've made all these things so simple to digest.

A dad by any other name

A recent name-calling issue tickled some, embarrassed others and riled many who think they have it copyrighted. We are embarrassed because it was made a national issue. Then it became internationally known and our standing took a big knock.

A fellow blogger puts it in such a simple analogy here.

A dad by any other name
loves you just the same
unless you get it wrong in your head
and think you own his name instead

Those Self-Help Books

What do Zig Ziglar, US Anderson, Irene Kassorla, Maxwell Maltz, Dale Carnegie, and Napoleon Hill have in common? They are motivational experts. And they are very rich because we all subscribe to their philosophies and buy their books.

They were a huge influence in my life. They showed me how to survive by thinking positive thoughts and that all things are possible if I think so. Some of them taught me how to feel rich even without the huge filthy sums of money in my bank account, or floating around in the stock market. Most of all they taught me to get through with life, even when things looked so bad I felt like I was in a hole in the ground.

That wasn't all true though. I wanted to be rich by thinking like Napoleon. But, sheesh, it was the earlier Napoleon that kept creeping into my mind. You know, the guy who they said was "born apart", the one who allegedly said, "Able was I, I saw Elba…" I guess if I had kept at it I'd probably have ended up in St Helena. Only I was a few hundred years too late. Probably that saved me.

But about being in a hole in the ground, I did find myself, several times. Somehow those lessons helped. But I'd rather think the thing that got me out of those holes was the upbringing and survival instincts I inherited. The same thing that kept my grand-father in the boat from China until he landed here and then kept going until he cashed in of old age some time before the Japanese landed in Malaya. At least he was spared those crazy times. And it was the very same thing that kept my dad going, working the land to keep eight kids fed, clothed, and schooled.

Anyway, some of these guys taught me to work hard. So I did. I spent a whole part of my youth working my ass off, sometimes right through the night. OK that wasn't totally true either. I tried to avoid working late whenever possible. I noticed what happened to a cousin of mine who was constantly doing that. He succumbed to stomach cancer at the age of 40. I blamed that on his staying up late and going on without proper nutrition too often. He never smoked and never drank. What else could he blame it on? It wasn’t inherited.

On my part it wasn't voluntary. I hated having to stay up all night just because my boss had to show his boss that his team of people could work right through the night if necessary. I zombied along and grumbled all the way home to bed the next morning. That wasn't working smart. That was stupid. Any kind of accident could happen when you're tired. We only succeeded in letting him know that he could further exploit us, and we'd let him do so willingly. Since we didn't have much choice those days, I stuck with that boss until I couldn't take it anymore. Then I quitted and started from scratch.

Then I read Robert Ringer's "Winning through Intimidation".

This Ringer guy didn't mince his words. He advocated that if you work hard you only end up getting old. Not rich, just old. He gave me his 'Uncle George" theory. He said probably every one of us had a relative or at least know someone who worked hard all his life keeping his nose to the wheel and who only managed to get old. I said, Hey! Here's one book which dumped all my past lessons and turned them all into cow pie overnight. Overnight was how long I took to read that book. I then took the next few days to digest it. Luckily it didn't taste like cow pie.

I found out that the Ringer guy was teaching me how to intimidate my way to the top of the pile, which means going into money-grabbing ventures and getting away with the dough. I thought that if everybody were to follow that philosophy then there'd be a whole lot more of aggression in the world, because everybody would be trying to out-intimidate everyone else, because nobody would want to lose face, and least of all, money.

And what he did was, he blew all those success philosophies to smithereens. Like, working hard, for example. He managed to convince me that most of those who became rich were actually embarrassed about how they made it. So they settled for some standard formula; something that could sell, other than luck and chance. These philosophies don't sell.

Upon further reading, I decided that I could use those ideas effectively; I only had to learn how to recognize those trying to intimidate me into giving them something for nothing. That means; not working for free, not paying money for nothing or substandard things or service, and not giving in to demands for my time when it doesn't benefit me. It also tried to tell me not to negotiate myself into a corner. I said 'tried' because it didn't succeed. I didn't manage to use it to earn and receive any substantial income. I blame it on my honesty. It (honesty) was too deeply entrenched in my head by my upbringing in the missionary school where they indoctrinated me with honesty being the best policy. There you go. Just how easy in life it is to blame someone or something else.

Later, after all these I decided to follow Michael Korda's advice that after 40 I could either dance the night away or sleep right through it. I guess that advice didn't catch on. I couldn't find any of this advice printed anywhere in the websites that feature his works. I guess taking things easy seems too cozy for those under 65 nowadays. Besides, it doesn't sell either. Anything that people value nowadays is something they have to pay for. They get them for free; they think it’s too good to be true.

Now back to those self-help books. What did they really do for me? They helped me feel good in whatever I wanted to do. I get to pick and choose what I want to believe and follow. That was all the good they ever did for me. I did all the fumbling right through life and came out with all those scratches and scars. I still thought some of it was fun. And I'm still proud that I did it my way. That wasn't my favorite song either, I just happen to like it because Frank Sinatra did it quite well.

When they asked me if I'd like to Think and Grow Rich, I asked, "Do I have do that all day?" I'd like to think about lots of other things as well. Like love, like hobbies, doodling and taking photos, having fun and spending time with family and watching my kids grow up and graduate.

While some say, enough is not enough, I'm happy enough. It could be better....but that's life.