Monday, October 10, 2011

The Old Rooster

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his hen house. The young rooster walked over to the old rooster and said  "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."

The old rooster said, "You can't handle all these chickens....look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replied, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster said, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"

So, the old rooster thought for a moment and then said to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken house."

The young rooster said, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."  They lined up in back of the farm house, got a chicken to cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running. 

A short while later the young rooster took off after him.  They went round the front of the farm house and the young rooster was only about a few paces behind the old rooster and gaining fast. 

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looked up, saw what was going on, grabed his shotgun and promptly shot the young rooster.  "Dammit!  he said, "That was the third gay rooster I bought this week!"


Moral of the story:  Don't play-play with old roosters.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

To All those Born in 1940's, 50's , 60's & early '70s...

NOTE:  This message (with lots of modifications) has been around as far back as my blogging mind can remember....
 ---------------------------------------------------------------
 
First, we survived with mothers who had no maids. They cooked/ cleaned while taking care of us at the same time.
 
They took aspirin, candy floss, fizzy drinks, shaved ice with syrups and diabetes was rare. Salt added to Pepsi or Coke was remedy for fever.
 
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.
 
As children, we would ride with our parents on bicycles/ motorcycles for 2 or 3.  Richer ones in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
 
Riding in the back of a private taxi was a special treat.
 
We drank water from the tap and NOT from a bottle.
 
We would spend hours on the fields under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV rays which never seemed to affect us.
 
We went to the jungle to catch spiders without worries of Aedes mosquitoes.
 
With mere 5 pebbles (stones) would be a endless game. With a ball (tennis ball best) we boys would run like crazy for hours.
 
We caught guppies in drains / canals and when it rained,  we swam there.
 
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually worried about being unhygienic.
 
We ate salty, very sweet & oily food, candies, bread and real butter and drank very sweet soft sweet coffee/ tea, ice kacang, but we weren't overweight because.......
 
WE WERE OFTEN OUT PLAYING!!
 
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, till street lights came on.
 
No one was able to reach us all day.WE DID NOT HAVE HANDPHONE S TO BUG US. And we were O.K. AND WE WERE SAFE.
 
We would spend hours repairing our old bicycles and wooden scooters out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
 
We did no t have Playstations, X-boxes, Nintendo's, multiple channels on cable TV, DVD movies, no surround sound, no phones, no personal computers, no Internet. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
 
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and we still continued the stunts.
 
We never had birthdays parties till we were 21
 
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and just yelled for them!
 
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
 
Yet this generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
 
The past 40 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
 
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned ..
 
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
 
And YOU are one of them!
 
CONGRATULATIONS!
 
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the government 'regulated' our lives for our own good.
 
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
 
P/S: -The big  font used is because of Long-sightedness or hyperopia at our  age.

BY THE WATERS OF THE TEMBELING

I discovered this cutting in one of my old books... and I became lost in it... 

A Poem by Cecil Rajendra
Published in the Sunday Star, July 5, 1981


* for Ong Soo Keat


Part I

By the waters of the Tembeling
where samba deer
and seladang undisturbed
roam where the buffalo
tapir and the wild boar play...

By the waters of the Tembeling
where drongo
and hornbill criss-cross skies
where bamboo
genuflect to kiss the river...

By the waters of the Tembeling
my mind roamed
across our gauche and grace-
less cities-
their emissaries of greed
and destruction;
a flotilla of timber lorries.

And by the waters
of the Tembeling
I sat down and wept.


Part II

No piranha menace
the waters
of the Tembeling
but sharks
with buzz-saw teeth
are everywhere...

As the mist lifted off
Bukit Teresek
I saw a once virgin
jungle in dishabille:
torn, ravished, bruised
Used by gangs
of loggers, she lay in
tatters, while
lascivious one-eyed
helicopters circled
overhead and ogled.

From her lacerated
side I watched
a stream of laterite
trickle to bloody
the waters of Tembeling

As the mist lifted off
Bukit Teresek
I heard the witches'
whine
of chain-saw cutter
Clack
and cackle of bulldozer
cracked
the song of bulbul
and cricket.
I saw juggernauts in
every corner
set about dismantling
our forest.

A cirrus of diesel
hovered like a vulture
waiting to take over
this land and its people.

No piranha menace
the waters
of the Tembeling
but sharks
with buzz-saw teeth
are everywhere...

Whither My Dreams?

I broke some chains
from around my heart
hoping
to find my dreams intact
but there's nothing in it

only broken pieces
which don't match
nor fit together
to form an image

this emptiness
gets more hollow
each time I listen to it
but
I can hear no echoes
I can't see any reflections

the hunger pangs
are harder to bear
than those of an empty belly


and lord, it's dark in there

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Old Tea Pot

While washing up the coffee pot this morning an old story came to mind.

On a five-foot-way of good old Penang's Heritage enclave, some 'uncles' were having a leisurely tea session when who should walk by but an 'angmoh' tourist toting a back pack.  He was looking high and low taking in every little detail of the quaint scenery.

As he got close to where the old uncles were seated, he paused and stared at an old and brown-stained tea pot sitting on a tray, from which one of the uncles occasionally poured tea for his friends.  He was so strangely attracted by the tea pot that he inquired on the spot as to whether the owner was willing to sell it.

Surprise gave way to greed as the old guy contemplated making some good money out of this strange angmoh who seemed deranged enough to want to buy an old and well-used teapot, one which he can get from any crockery shop in town for a pittance.

He said he was willing to part with this 'heirloom' for $200.

The tourist haggled for a lesser amount.  They finally settled at a price of $150.  The old man said for him to come back in an hour's time so that he and his friends can finish their tea session.  The tourist said OK, paid him a deposit for the pot and went his way promising to be back later to collect his purchase.

When he came back later he was shown a sparkling clean tea pot.  The old man had given the gem a good scrubbing and polishing job and felt mighty proud of it too.  The shiny thing almost looked new.  But to his surprise and dismay, the 'angmoh' refused to accept it as the pot he had paid the deposit for.

'No, no no...' he said.  'That's not the teapot I wanted.  The one I wanted was a real antique and brown in color with tea-stains all over.  I don't want one that is cleaned and polished!  It's of no value to me.  Now give me the one I wanted or give me back my deposit!'

The old guy reluctantly returned his deposit.


Hence, I'm told, to this day those old uncle tea drinkers don't polish their teapots.  They just throw out the used tea leaves and rinse them out.

This Old Mango Tree


This amazing mango tree
will not just lay down
nor whither off 
and die 
without trying to live
yet another season

another burst of new leaves
fresh blooms
slowly turning into fruits

still providing oxygen
and still offer 
what limited shade 
it could give
for some random cars 
to park beside

it still stands 
steadfastly 
strong
and steady
never willing 
to give up...

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Geeky Rat

A geeky rat hitched a ride in my car to the shop this afternoon. Maybe he's looking for some spares to upgrade his PC home...


On the way back after installing a CPU for a customer located on the east side of town, I dropped by at another client's place to pick up two more 'stalled' PCs.

The place was rigged up like an ultra-modern office with wall-to-wall carpeting.  I had to leave my shoes outside the glass doors.  They told me those 2 units just couldn't turn on.  One of them was still under a desk in dark and lonely cubicle.  I signed off the paperwork, I picked up the CPUs and loaded them into the boot of the Myvi.

After I'd reached the shop and parked the car, I retrieved one of the CPUs and stepped up to the walk-way in front of the shop.  Before I could reach the door, a large rat jumped out of the CPU I was holding and scooted off before I could say, 'Rats!'.

He probably just wanted to go shopping at Tesco nearby and needed a free ride.  But, hey!  He went in the wrong direction! 

I stared after it for a moment.  Then I looked at the casing and noticed wet patches on the side.  I put down the thing and went back to the car.  Sure enough, there were wet spots in the boot.  He pissed in my car!!!

I was lucky I stored the PCs in the boot, not on the back seat.  And double lucky for me the Myvi's boot came with a large shallow plastic tray.  All i had to do was to pull it out and give it a good wash.

Note to self:  Next time don't just pick up a CPU and load it into the car without checking for stowaways.  They can be infested not just with viruses and worms, you can't be sure there are no rats or snakes nesting in them.  Urgh!!!


Friday, September 16, 2011

Mr. Aro Left Us A Number

The day our Arowana died I felt a hollow somewhere inside. 

Seems like when we share space with another living thing, we become familiar with its life and habits and we develop a kind of emotional attachment to it.  That's why I refer to him as Mr. Aro.  He's more than just a fish.  He's a Golden Arowana.  At times I wished he could bark and wag his tail, perhaps like a Golden Retriever.  But all I got was his enthusiastic dashing around, expecting me to feed him whenever I took down the container of fish food.



That morning when I raised the shutters, opened the glass door and stepped into the shop I had an awful feeling.  Mr. Aro no longer swam over to greet me, waiting eagerly for his breakfast. 

I'd become accustomed to his eye-balling me and following me around every morning as I moved about switching on the lights, the air-cond and the PCs. 

But that morning I looked at his tank and my heart sank.  He was floating deadly still, pale looking, tail down and head hanging behind some pipes and cables in a  far corner of his tank.  I didn't switch on his tank light.  (I wanted to take a picture but couldn't bring myself to do it).

As I was extra busy that day, with Jeff and wife away attending a seminar, I went about attending to business first.  Then I sent Jeff a message saying, 'so sorry, the fish is dead'.  He was too busy to read my message, so the next call I got from him, after finishing work discussions, I told him. 

He called later and told me to wrap it up in plastic and keep it until he came back from the seminar.  He wanted to have a last look.  After all, he was the one who raised Mr. Aro from a fry of 3 inches.  That was 10 years ago.

I wrapped Mr. Aro in plastic, went out and bought half kilo of coarse salt, 2 bags of ice and packed him in a box and left the box in the back of the shop over the weekend.

The strange thing was, a few days before Mr. Aro died, he did a curious thing.  He thrashed around in the tank like crazy.  Fearing that it might have been a short circuit, I switched off the power supply to the circulation pumps and light.  (Of course, there's no such danger.  Fishes can't get electrocuted, I was told).  In the dimness of the tank I noticed a 4-digit inscription on his left gill plate.


Well, I'm no punter.  I don't gamble.  Besides, most of those 4 digits can be a number ranging from 0 to 9.  Your guess is a good as mine.

R.I.P. Mr Aro.  Wish you a better existence in the big river in the sky.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Crooners contest & some imitations


video
A niece made a RM100 donation to the Sin Min School building fund.  But since she was busy with other obligations I got to go and listen to the top crooners in this North Zone finals of the singing contest.  All 20 contestants were equally good with their performances.   The songs they chose to perform ranged from the 50s to the 80s.  Nothing interesting for the younger set.

Somehow they seemed to rush through the contest with one singer coming in immediately after another, not unlike a fashion show.  The judges probably had a stressful time.

But I think they didn't make the show any better by bringing in some imitation Teresa Tengs (while the judges were doing their arithmetic).... all 4 of them.  One of them sounded so convincingly like Teresa herself and even looked like her when she was in her 20s. 



3rd photo shows part of the official (but boring) cheque presentation ceremony with all the Datuks & Datins sauntering all over the stage.

They collected RM828,000 for the fund.  That, I'm told was just to buy the vacant plot of land. 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Check where the heat is coming from



Staying married is like keeping an electrical appliance running.  You have to keep feeling and watching where the heat is coming from.  If it’s coming from the right places, be happy that things are going well.  If it is from an inappropriate place then you have to check where the source is.  Is it coming from loose joint, jammed parts or ruptured cable? 

Sometimes you can’t find where the fault is until you see sparks flying.  When that happens, you have to shut down the appliance, find the cause of the problem and correct the fault before everything goes haywire. 

Sometimes there is just that irritating buzz and rattle and you get a whiff or two of burnt insulation.  That’s the best time to correct the fault and solve an impending problem before it flares up (and sparks fly and things get ugly).

The best way to keep an appliance running perfectly is keep checking periodically and maintaining it.  Prevention is better than cure. 

But this is not a perfect world.  So don’t be dismayed that sometimes you still get some unexpected sparks or shocks from unexpected sources.  Best thing you can do is ensure it doesn’t get too big or happen too often.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Feeling of Weightlessness



Sometimes 
I feel like I’m a loose piece of Styrofoam 
floating around in the water, 
going whichever way the current takes me 
or whichever way the wind blows.  

Sometimes, 
like the lightweight piece of debris, 
I go round and round in circles 
because the tide flows in one direction 
and the wind blows the other way.   

Weightless.  
My mind is drifting aimlessly
And just like any piece of packing material, 
used and discarded, 
or chucked in a corner 
for any ‘just-in-case’ occasion
I lose my direction.  


I could not forsee
I thought I was such 
a happy-go-lucky ex-worker 
glad to get out of the rat race
heading for the retirement village 
only to be waylaid 
and recycled 
for some other purposes.

So
is this all
a part of life?
Or 
is it just an existence?
to be borne till the day 
Someone switches off 
this life-support system?



Tuesday, August 9, 2011

In the US the recession has hit everybody really hard...

Thanks, Quinnie for this one....
---------------------------------------------------------------

My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of
pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call
them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's
names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her !

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali
pirates.

And, finally....

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs,
my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide
Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was
suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck !

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I'm a lot

I'm a hero to some
a nobody to others
a saint to a few
a Mr fix-it sometimes
a butler
a shoulder (to cry on)
an ATM
an 'uncle' to many

a son to a couple of old folks
a 'brother' to all
a dad to 3
a hubby to 1
.........
hey! that's a lot!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

How you'd get around in Heaven.

This Heavenly joke came all the way from my school days:

Three men died and went to heaven.  They met St. Peter at the gate.

Peter told them, " You're all gonna get cars up here for transport, but if you were bad you get a crappy car, if you were good you'd get a great car."

And so Peter asked the first guy, " John, did you cheat on your wife while you were alive?"
John said, " No.  Never..."

Peter said, " Your'e lying, we know because it's recorded.  So here's a 69 Volkswagon.  It needs a lot of work."

The next guy Joe stepped forward and Peter asked him, " Did you cheat on your wife Joe?"

Joe replied, " Well yes, I did while we were in high school."

Peter replies, " We know cause it's recorded.  Here's a 1974 Chevy Caprice.  It needs a lot of work."

Finally old Mr. Jones came forward and Peter asked him the same question.  So old Mr Jones replied, " No, as a matter of fact I never even cheated on her in high school."

Peter said, " We know cause it's recorded.  So here's a top of the line Rolls Royce fully loaded.  Congratulations!"

The next day John's car got stuck on the road so he kicked and cussed it.  Then he saw Mr Jones in his Rolls Royce across the road, head banging on the driving wheel crying.  So he went over and asked him, "Why are you crying, Mr Jones?  I should be the one crying cause my crappy old car broke down.  But you should be laughing all over Heaven."

Mr Jones wailed, "I just saw my wife.  She was wheeling by on a skate-board!"

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Ssssnake In The House!!!

It's still a jungle out here I suppose.  Our friendly house seems to be attracting all the wrong company.  There used to be stray cats, musangs, monkeys, bees...  Then there are also snakes.

This morning as soon as I got into the office, wifey called.  She said there's one in the house.  I clearly heard the tremble in her voice.  I quickly locked the office and drove back home.

Probably due to the current hot and dry weather and the depleted patches of greenery around the neighborhood, it was heading for a cooler place to hide during the day.  It just happened to find its way to my front door and slid into the house.  It raised its head and hissed at wifey in between the hallway and dining room, right in front of our bedroom door. 

That was when she called me on the phone.  Then she waited until it tried to snake its way under the screen door into the bedroom.  She then made a dash to the front porch, grabbed hold of a can of Mortein H2O and gave it a huge dose of the spray.  It was stunned for a while, and because of the wet terrazzo it couldn't crawl away.

Then she grabbed a can of acidic floor cleaner from the kitchen and gave it another dousing.  Fearing it may revive and give us the slip, she quickly went to the kitchen, filled a pot with water and heated it up.

By the time I arrived the critter was almost dead but still wriggling around.  I whacked it a few times with a stick just to make sure. I noticed the tell-tale icon on the back of its head; a pair of spectacles.  It was a baby Cobra.  Small, but just like its parents, mean and menacing when confronted. So when wifey came out with the boiling water I turned the thing into a coiled sausage.

Certain intruders are definitely not welcomed.

By the way, this is not a picture of the one that came a visiting.
In my hurry to get home to save a damsel in distress I left my camera in the office.