Sunday, April 1, 2012

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT

Email from a friend:


These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:



FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
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FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

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FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

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COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

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WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .

Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.

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And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

(Statement of the Century)

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Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher
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PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH


Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel
has been turned off.