Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Outlaw the Cane?

How many remember when life was simple enough that we could differentiate between good and bad in terms of white and black?  But we have become civilised and progressed so far that we seem to have turned all that simplicity into so many grey areas.  The pages of history as well as current mass media are strewn with many examples of bad guys whose parents swore they were good kids, who meant no harm to others even as they were indicted as robbers, rapists or killers.  And it's up to the lawyers with their mental acrobatic twists and turns to prove them guilty beyond reasonable doubt.

And now they even think caning a kid for bad behavoir is called 'corporal punishment' and the practice should be banned. 

Try wishing back the days of black and white.  You can't appreciate the brightness of daylight without knowing the darkness of the night.  Everyone has to be shown what's good and what's bad and understand the difference.  Or he has to learn it for himself, the hard way.

In bringing up a kid, I believe there's a time to use the carrot and there's a time when you need to use the stick.  If a child is told in no uncertain terms he's done wrong when he breaks the rules, and he's punished if he continues to do so, he gets the message sooner or later.  Of course, it has to be done with his welfare in mind.  But if he gets the mollycoddles all the time and nobody demonstrates what it means if he does wrong, then he gets the message that he can get away with anything.

Unless he's intelligent enough to reason like an adult, (and there are kids who can do that), he's going to be as confused as the pit bull which killed an old lady and wondered why everyone's so fussy about it.  He was just acting naturally.  The old lady looked threatening to him.  And nobody said you can't attack old ladies!

The old malay proverb about shaping bamboo while it's still young applies universally.  Since we think kids are smarter now, we have to start them even younger.  Parenting is no "walk in the park".  And I would add that there's no standard response to standard treatment.  What's good for the goose doesn't necessarily mean it's good for the gander.  You have to use your intelligence.  And the bonus is, if you're intelligent, your kids will be even better if you bring them up right.

So, if you look forward to a peaceful walk in the park without having to pull your kids off the throats of other kids or flower beds they're trying to wreck, then do your job first.  Doesn't matter if you do it your way.  Just make it clear to your kid what's good and what's bad.  And do it with love.

I believe kids are resilient enough to outgrow the 'mental scars' or other excuses that child experts use to discourage "corporal punishment" (using the cane), unless you whip them half to death with a steel pipe which happened to be in your hands.  That's not punishment.  That's venting your own anger.  That's self-centered.  And that's destructive.



  1. i believe in beating the crap out of our kids too, but there should be an age cap, i heard that from age eight onwards kids generally are immune to corporal punishment, then it's more easier to punish them by taking away their broadbands...

  2. If you'd done your job right at age 1, you needn't beat the crap out of them at 8...
    Don't postpone discipline. It doesn't work.

  3. i mean you can only beat them until 8, 8 and onwards the magic of thy cane doesnt work anymore

  4. wahah .. Well I was caned till i was like 13 ?? but I never forgot the whacking I got .. but den again .. I never misbehaved after that too ... :) so to that i say .. the cane works .. for me at least!!!

  5. I couldn't have put it it a better way. I totally agree with you. Kids will outgrow mental scars. I did, my sister did. Hell, anyone i knew did. However, the thing that kids cant outgrow is when a parent/s constantly vent their angers on them, be it physically or emotionally.

    But we have become civilised and progressed so far that we seem to have turned all that simplicity into so many grey areas.

    This is so true. Nowadays one can turn black into white and vice versa. We are going to have problems maintaining law and order in future.

    Gosh I wanted to write a post on this but didnt know where to start! Thank you~ this is exactly what I've wanted to say!! XD

  6. As a matter of fact, we are already...

  7. This issue always brings out either the best or the worst in people, for or against the cane. Some examples are displayed openly in this: The Story of a "Tiger"

  8. hmmms wow~ the bro handled the situation very well :D

  9. Sorry, I boo-booed. That was the man they debated over. The real debate is here:Cyber Debate - A Disciplinary Issue

  10. Sorry, I boo-booed. That was the man they debated over. The real debate is here:Cyber Debate - A Disciplinary Issue

  11. All I ask is for the parent to know themselves and their child very well before picking up the cane. Violence closes many doors. If a child is bullied in school and at home, what does this teach him? Also, how can one teach the way of peace if one intermittently inflicts physical violence?

  12. And all we need is some discipline from the beginning for the child to know what's right and good and what's not acceptable. Like a good cure, anything done above moderation begins to get harmful instead. Disciplining a kid shouldn't be equated with violence. We shouldn't tend to think in extreme terms. Just because there are violent parents who go off their tracks, we can't label all parental disciplinary measures as violence. And not all kids respond well to couselling. Some have to take it in physical terms. As I always stress, do it with love