Friday, April 28, 2006

Why managers and engineers don't agree

 


Here's the story.


 


THE LOST BALLOONIST

A man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost.

He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend that I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

”You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
”I am,” replied the woman, “How do you know?”

”Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information.



The fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you haven’t been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”
”I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how do you know?”

”Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is that you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”


 


Not exactly my opinion that, but explains why I'm not so keen to go for the job even if it's got a bigger paycheck!  (Bllrrrph...sour grapes!!!)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

That's not fair, but that's life.

 


When I was in primary 2, our English teacher came late to the class.  Other boys kept standing up and repeating out loudly, “Gooooood Mornnnniiiinnnng, Sir”, while I was keeping quietly to myself, like I usually did, minding my own business.  I got caught off guard a few times and stood up and mimed the good-morning greetings by force of habit whenever a teacher came into the classroom.  But when the teacher finally came in, he picked on me to be the noisy culprit.  No matter how I denied it, he was adamant I was at least one of major sources of the noise.  He claimed that he was watching us from somewhere at the back staircase.  Then he wrote these words on the blackboard and made everyone repeat them aloud: “Honesty is the best policy”.  


 


In other words, to him I wasn't only noisy, I wasn't honest as well.  That must have been politics in the making.  Someone had to be 'sacrificed' for all that hoo-hah.  I resented being made a scapegoat, and I certainly wouldn’t give two hoots about honesty in his terms.  He didn't even give me a hearing for justice's sake; simply pronounced me guilty as charged.  That lesson alone taught me that honesty means different things to different people.  I remember that lesson well because I couldn't forget his face. 


 


As I proceeded through life I found that this kind of situation just kept repeating itself in different settings and to different people.  Some fight the establishments that blindly defend the perpetrators who are normally part of the management.  While some win and gained some compensation after years of arbitration, others lost and had to start again from square one.  Others simply throw in their towels and move elsewhere while the rest learned to ride the waves and survive to gain better heights. 


 


Somehow it proves true that whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger.  While I learned not to expect fairness always in life, I still try my best to give others a fair hearing and sometimes the benefit of the doubt.  Having suffered that painful realization, the good that came out of it is; I'm sympathetic of other people who had to suffer the same fate. 


 


Most of what we learn for life is not carried out in classrooms.  In school, later that same year I learned another of life's awakening lessons.  Stay away from idiots and trouble-makers.  If other people misbehave, being innocent doesn't mean you won't get hurt.


 


There was a huge sour cherry tree in our school yard.  I used to arrive at school early for the afternoon session before assembly and hang around under the tree for its cool shade.  One day, a bunch of boys decided to pick cherries off the tree by throwing pieces of wood at them.  I was just innocently standing nearby.  Suddenly a few older boys appeared from the school building and grabbed one of the boys who was throwing the sticks while the rest ran helter skelter.  Before I realized what was happening, I was grabbed as well.  Surprised, I tried to wriggle my arm out of their grip while screaming at the top of my lungs.  We were brought before the teacher who had earlier ordered the older boys to grab us.  While I yelled about my innocence, he admonished us about our dangerous activity, after which we were released.  That teacher later turned out to be my class teacher in primary three.  He was actually a kind hearted fellow who didn't want to see anybody get hurt.


 


I love that story by Professor Morrie about that little wave in the ocean heading towards the shore.  This wave was moving merrily along until he suddenly realized he was going to hit the shore eventually and be broken up.  He was very worried and voiced out his fears until another wave told him he was not a wave but part of the ocean. 


 


In life, it seems we all are a part of the whole.  Whatever we do, whatever happens to us, good or bad, it influences and affects others around us whether directly or indirectly.  And like that wave in the ocean it will hit the shore, takes something along or leaves something behind and roll back again to make other waves and they in turn make their marks somewhere else.


 

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Where have all our manners gone?

  


I'm not just talking about the disappearance of words like 'thank you', 'please' or 'excuse me', or covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze.


 


I had on one occasion, entered a hotel lobby through a side door and then noticing someone behind me, held the door open for him.  It has been my habit to look behind me before letting go of the door as some swing doors close a little too fast and can hit the next person if they're following too close behind.  All of a sudden a whole group of others trooped in through the door without looking at me or a word of thanks or even a nod of acknowledgement.  I was standing there holding the door for them, feeling like I was just the doorman.  (No offence to doormen.  In fact I'd even thank a doorman even though it's his job to open doors for me.)  It wouldn't kill anyone of them just to nod at me or smile and say 'thanks', but nobody did.  I looked at myself and thought; perhaps it's because I wasn't wearing a coat and tie.


 


Then there was the time when I was walking a few steps behind someone through a door, and he just walked right on and let go of the door which would have swung right into my face had I not foreseen that and put my hand out in front of me.  That door happened to have an absorber closer that malfunctioned. 


 


Some years ago, I drove to a supermarket with the whole family.  We went round a few times hunting for a parking lot and noticed one about to be vacated.  So I put on my turn signal, stopped my car a little distance away so that the other car could back out easily from the parking space.  But as soon as the car drove off, before I could move forward another car came in from behind, cut in right in front of me into the parking space.  The driver and his passengers got out of his car and walked away without looking at us.  That set my blood into boiling point and I had to mumble a whole string of profanities without my family hearing any of them.  These kinds of people seem to think it's fair since they got in first, not who arrived first.  I told a relative about the incident, but he told me about a case of a guy who had both his legs broken as a result of an argument over a parking space.  So maybe I was right I didn't pursue the matter. 


 


Remember the ad where a guy sitting in LRT commuter train ignored a pregnant lady standing nearby?  It's probably one of our problems as a result of urban living that turns people into self-serving, uncaring observers instead of doers  I'm sure, in spite of the bad things we've been told about Malaysian attitudes, we have many here who are really caring and generous.  But have we grown immune to the hardships or discomfort of others in the course of living our daily lives?  Have we become so tough inside that we think, "Who cares, I'm tired.  I've got my seat.  I haven't sat all day...  Who's she anyway?" 


 


But then again, as Malaysians we've always been known to have responded very enthusiastically when asked for donations for victims of natural disasters, for people with diseases which need tens of thousands of Ringgit for operations, etc.  I tend to believe we are not so bad after all.  Just sometimes we couldn't care less, or simply lack some manners.


 


Looking at it, if 'charity starts at home', then I believe good manners and courtesy should start from there too.  Consider that your first job when you bring up your kids.  No buts, no excuses.  And like all things, good manners work both ways.  You show it, they follow it and you get it back in kind.


Distinguishing Fact from Fiction

 


"Devotees of The Da Vinci Code—like the fictional fans in Foucault's Pendulum—have trouble distinguishing fact from fiction. They visit places mentioned in the novel, and "Da Vinci Tours" are a booming business. With the upcoming film, interest in The Da Vinci Code will explode. Christians need to seize this teaching opportunity, preparing ourselves to answer questions readers are asking.

The first is: Are the historical events portrayed in Brown's story true? Brown claims to have done extensive historical research and gives his readers no reason to doubt the novel's accuracy. Since the average person knows almost nothing about Christian history, they're vulnerable. For example, when Brown says that Knights Templar were put to death by the Catholic Church because they knew the "true story" about Jesus, people have no basis to question it, never having heard of the Knights Templar. Or when Brown says that at the Council of Nicea, the Vatican consolidated its power, most people are unaware that the Vatican didn't even exist in A.D. 325."....


 


The above is a short extract from "The Da Vinci Hoax: A Tour de Distortion", by Chuck Colson


 


My opinion has always been that many people still, in spite of all their education, are prone to believing (sometimes unconsciously) in anything.  They should not forget that Dan Brown is a story teller, and a very convincing one at that.  But then again I would say that his novel tries to bring our awareness to certain facts of real life, in that even the world's 'holiest' and most reputable leadership are prone to power tussles and political maneuverings to keep in control.  This may be good to a certain extent in that it controls the masses and helps prevent chaos, but bad in that it keeps on deceiving the same masses.  Well, perhaps this is just a part of being human.  After all we did choose to have our freedom of thought and actions when our first parents ate that fruit of the forbidden tree (unless you don't believe in that story too).  I did live through that convincing tale for a while, and then I just dismissed it as another tale, like when one leaves the movie theatre after viewing a gripping, nail-biting, edge of the seat thriller.  It was just great entertainment, nothing more.


 

Sunday, March 12, 2006

An open letter

If you happen to miss this one by one of our academics on Malaysian Higher Education, here it is.  Maybe this is one of our first steps forward, depending on what happens next.  Just draw your own conclusions. 

THE STAR Saturday March 11, 2006 (and also featured in Screenshots)

An open letter to Mustapa


Dear Sir,


Firstly, allow me to congratulate you on your new posting. It must be said though that you are not to be envied, for you are now faced with a Herculean task.


But, where are my manners? You have no idea who I am. I could be a complete nutcase.


Well, I’m an academic in a Malaysian public university. Which some people might consider a nutcase, anyway. But I’m very proud to be an academic.


It’s a noble profession, and it matters not that my students earn more than me within a few years of graduating and that little children run screaming from my hideously outdated clothes. It’s a calling to be an academic, and I care passionately about it.


That is why I’m writing to you. You see, there is much that is wrong with our universities and much that can be done by the Ministry to put things right.


You may not believe that my one purpose in writing to you is the improvement of our institutions, but let me assure you, we true academics (as opposed to wannabe politicians in lecturers’ clothes) don’t have hidden agendas.


Over the past few years, there has been this mantra chanted by the Government and university leaders: “We want our universities to be world-class universities.” Unfortunately, this mantra does not have any explanatory notes, so we don’t really know what “world-class” means. However, let us assume that a world-class university has the following:


  • Graduates who are employable, not only here but also abroad;



  • Academic staff who are respected worldwide;



  • Research and publications that are recognised by reputable international journals/publishers;



  • An academic programme that is recognised worldwide;



  • An academic atmosphere that can attract quality national and foreign students and staff.


If we accept these criteria as valid, what then can be done to achieve it?


Universities are not hampers


Universities are not rewards to be handed out. It has happened in Terengganu and the same has been promised to Kelantan. “Vote for us and we will give you a university.”


This may make political sense, but it does not make any academic sense. A lot of planning is needed to ensure that the resources are sufficient to create a university of quality.


Malaysia is not a very rich country – we can’t afford petrol subsidies, for goodness’ sake – and we definitely can’t afford to stretch our limited economic and intellectual resources to build universities in such a blasé manner.


Universities are not fast-food joints


They should instead be high-class restaurants. Universities have to be elitist in order to produce quality research and graduates.


An elitist university means that only the best candidates are taken in as students and only the best staff are hired. Classes and exams can then be pitched at a higher standard.


Furthermore, the resulting smaller student numbers mean seminars and tutorials can be truly conducive to discussions, and lecturers will have less of a teaching burden in order to concentrate on research.


This is not to say that higher education as a whole must be elitist. There are other forms of higher education institutions that can cater to school leavers who don’t make the cut, such as polytechnics and community colleges.


If you love your universities, you must set them free


Academics and students must be free to think and to express themselves.


Yes, I understand that this is Malaysia and freedom is seen as a dirty word by some, but without it, there is little hope of achieving “world-class” universities.


Intellectualism cannot grow in a repressive atmosphere.


We all know that in this country, there are many laws that restrict our freedom to express ourselves, but the irony is that for lecturers and students there are additional laws levelled at them.


You must be aware of the University and University Colleges Act – that wonderful piece of legislation designed to ensure that university students are little more than secondary school pupils.


You may not be aware, however, of the Statutory Bodies Discipline and Surcharge Act which affects academics who are the employees of statutory bodies.


According to this law, we can’t say anything for or against government policy without getting ministerial permission first.


Now, this may be all right for a mathematician quietly thinking up new formulae with which to calculate the possibility of Malaysia ever qualifying for the World Cup.


But for social scientists, it is akin to having the Malaysian football team play football without using their feet (which is perhaps something that they do anyway, looking at previous results).


The simple fact of the matter is that universities should first and foremost be the birthplace of ideas and original thought, discussion and debate, and this can’t be achieved with such laws hung around our necks.


And in case you’re worried that greater freedom will make our campuses hotbeds of radicalism, please let me put your fears to rest.


The number of students in this day and age who really care about matters beyond Akademi Fantasia is very small indeed.


Most students just want to graduate and as quickly as possible get into debt to pay for their three-bedroom flat and Proton Waja.


Universities need Mandelas


If there is one thing that Malaysian universities need, it is good leadership. And by a good leader, I mean a Vice-Chancellor who has the qualities of an outstanding intellectual, manager and diplomat, who can ensure that academic principles are paramount, not political expediency.


That promotions are given based on merit, not patronage. That students are treated like adults, not children. And finally, that the university is run on the highest ideals of civilisation and intellectualism, not self-aggrandisement and base toadying.


An outstanding academic leader, someone who can efficiently organise the place, represent the institution with dignity and command the respect of those working under him, or her, is a rare creature indeed.


To seek out such a person, may I suggest that the search committee your predecessor was talking about be made a reality.


This search committee, however, must be independent and transparent. It must not be hiHndered by any political agenda and must instead pick the candidates based on ability – and ability alone. Factors such as race, creed, gender and nationality should not be a consideration.


Perhaps we’d like to take lessons from elsewhere. Oh, before you think I’m suggesting a “study trip” abroad (with the usual sightseeing and cultural diversions), let me make it clear that I think the taxpayers’ money need not be wasted in such a fashion. After all, writing an e-mail is probably all you need to do to get the necessary information.


You may wish to start with New Zealand universities. I say New Zealand because the VC of Auckland University was recently poached by Oxford to be its Vice-Chancellor. The first non-English VC of Oxford since, well, since forever.


Now, that’s world-class, don’t you think? And from a country much smaller than us where the sheep outnumber the humans. Amazing.Well then, Sir, I think I’d best sign off now. You must have loads to do. Oh, before I forget, if you want to lighten the workload of your officers, may I make a last suggestion?


Why don’t you just leave the day-to-day running of the universities in the hands of the universities? I bet the Ministry has enough on its plate without having to decide about trivial things like professorial promotions and the approving of leave for academics to go to conferences and holidays overseas.


Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my letter. Good luck with your endeavours. Until next time, I remain,


Yours sincerely,
AZMI SHAROM


Dr Azmi Sharom is an associate professor of the Law Faculty of Universiti Malaya

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Don't fall on your head

 


I can’t help but think of the phrase, ‘what goes around comes around’ as I write this one.  In a way I feel it applies.  I won’t mention any names and I'll leave out some details so I won’t feel guilty about ‘allegedly slandering’ anyone, which could be a serious issue.  Apologizing to a whole family including its extended members could be a strenuous affair as we'd found out from this family who had to apologize to half a neighborhood.


 


There's an old guy who was once always smiling and saying nice things and very polite with everyone.  He'd tell us how he'd buy only good fishes, the best meats and fresh vegetables for his dear wife who was very choosy about her food.  But we were to learn much later he wasn't such a nice person after all.  One day, after his wife had passed away, he was trying to clear away some of the wife's things from a storage space in the air-well ledge.  While backing down on the ladder, he lost his balance and fell off and landed on his head hitting something sharp.  (The superstitious would say that the vengeful wife came (back) and gave the ladder a push.)  Bleeding profusely, he was carried into a neighbor's car and sent to hospital.  The hardy old guy survived somehow.  But he's never been the same again, or so it seems.  From being a 'Dr Jekyl' he became 'Mr. Hyde' (from Robert Louis Stevenson's novel: Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde).   


 


There were those days after he'd fully recovered from the fall, he'd wander, tottering around the market place in the morning.  Then when he got near a group of ladies, he'd pretend to fall down suddenly.  Those kind-hearted ladies nearby quickly grab him and helped him up.  But then, after a few repeat performances with different ladies, they started to compare notes about him.  They discovered his habit of falling down only when ladies were around and when they helped him up, his hands groped them in the wrong places.  After that, the ladies avoided him like the plague. 


 


He then became an outright dirty old man, speaking dirty, making propositions and staring lewdly at neighborhood ladies who took to his fancy.  He'd spend his days walking the neighborhood for exercise and the rest of the time sitting at home rattling his iron grills whenever he heard wifey doing something out on the porch.  I thought we'd be spared the embarrassment of his lewdness or dirty talk on account that we used to treat him and his family pretty well.  (I'd even installed a ceiling extractor fan for his spare-room when wifey heard his wife complained about the heat and stuffiness in that room.)  I continued to treat him with due respect, but wifey avoided him as best as she could.  In fact he even address me and wifey by name.  But one day wifey told me he'd called her name out loud and said some unmentionables attributing to her person while I was away at work.  The next day while I was at home, he said the same things again.  Perhaps he forgot I was around.


 


While wifey got on the phone and told one of his daughters who lived nearby about the situation, I stood out on the front porch and gave him a high decibel earful about how I used to respect him as a senior citizen, but since he'd stopped respecting us, I now refuse to respect him.  I told him in no uncertain terms that his actions were totally shameless.  He remained seated in his rattan chair on his front porch and stared blankly at nothing.  Somehow I knew he heard what I said.  There wasn't a pip from him the rest of the day.  It seems his children weren’t aware of his hearing capabilities.  They used to yell for him at his front gate but he always pretended to be hard of hearing.  But of course, they’re now aware of his sickly behavior owing to the countless complaints they’d received from friends and neighbors.


 


That afternoon, a whole gang of his children from out of state showed up at his house.  The son (and a grandson, whose size would suit nicely for him to moonlight as a club bouncer) came over to my house and apologized profusely for the old man's behavior.  That was when the son told of his hard time he had with his father, the thrashings he received from him when he was a teenager, and how he had to rush home once to prevent his poor mother from being battered to within an inch of her life. 


 


The old man was aware of what was going on.  He showed up in my house and started telling us that he'd done nothing wrong and we'd been saying bad things about him.  But when he began to get too loud I had to tell him to leave.  The son and grandson (the 'bouncer') then bundled him out of my house.  Before they could break into fisticuffs, the son-in-law showed up, grabbed the old man and led him back into his house.  They were joined later by another daughter who also apologized to another lady neighbor who had to bear some of the worst profanities because their house was just next door to the old man's. 


 


The ambassadors did a pretty good job and we were soon appeased and the episode ended in a jovial manner.  The daughter even remarked that the next time they come to visit her father they'd have to hide their heads in paper bags to spare themselves the embarrassment. 


 


We'd try as best as possible to avoid the old guy.  He'd sometimes walk by the front gate, stop and stare into the house.  He never talked to us and we wouldn’t speak to him anymore.  Wifey would stay indoors until he's out of sight.  I used to pray that she'd be protected from harm in any form from him.  But now I changed my views.  Instead, I now pray for him to somehow, be spared the prolonged agony of a lonely and tormented mind.  He could actually stay with any of his children, but he insists on living alone.  Judging from the way they had to handle him, I can understand why. 


 


I don’t believe any harm would come to my dear one at home.  Besides, the neighborhood people are all aware of this ‘menace’ and everyone does keep an eye on him.  We have the phone numbers of his children, including that of the ‘bouncer’ grandson.  They ask that we call anyone of them immediately if he gets ‘gatai’ again.  I do feel sorry for the old guy, but this is the best I could do.


 

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

How to make a woman happy ... easy steps!

As if to follow up on my previous blog, I got one heck of an advice piece in my mail. 

 


HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY.......

It's really not difficult...
To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
17. a psychologist
18. a pest exterminator
19. a psychiatrist
20. a healer
20. a good listener
22. an organizer
23. a good father
24. very clean
25. sympathetic
26. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
-------------------------------------------------------

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1 . Leave him in peace.