Tuesday, March 7, 2006

What do you mean, "quality men"?

There is this blog topic from a fellow blogger who heard this comment mentioned on the airwaves: "......women these days are marrying later and later due to the lack of quality men around....."  That triggered my thinking gears into motion.  So, here are my meandering thoughts on what's the definition of "quality men".  A lot depends on who you're talking to anyway.


I used to ask a question those management consultants, personal improvement, and executive re-engineering trainers try to avoid answering or they'd just go off on a tangent and diverted to talk about something else.  How would you define "Success"?  At best, most of them would simply go by the generally accepted terms which imply 'success' as attaining the goals of material wealth, corporate positions, social standing (about how big is your house, what brand of car you own, etc...) and where you go for your vacations.  I decided that their answers are mostly stereo-typed and very different from mine.  But that's another topic for another day.


But 'Quality men'?  Well, again, a lot depends on how you'd define those terms.  Your kind of quality man would be totally different from that defined by someone from the kampungs or small towns.  But since we're all looking at things from the urban, educated, sophisticated viewpoint, your 'quality man' - should he be highly educated, experienced, worldly-wise, shrewd, and rich?  Or should he be a humble, honest, non-smoking, non-drinking, straight-forward, career conscious, mother/father-loving, God-fearing family person?  In other words, what yardstick would you use?  And what's your priority?  


I'm sure you're aware that these days a lot of our brainwork is shaped unconsciously by the mass-media, so much so that if the question comes to your "ideal man", your mind pictures the Carlsberg guy arriving in his shiny sports coupe, raising his glass to other guys in coats and ties (and a whole gang of good-looking ladies as well), or most usually a picture of someone tall, suave and handsome (leaning on a golf club, perhaps?).  So what happens to the plain-looking, vertically challenged bespectacled guy with a receding hair-line in his beat up Iswara?  What I'm trying to say is you shouldn't be using all that mass-media hype as your yardstick if you possibly can.  All the stereo-typing, imaging, brain-washing has been going on all those years since you could look at the TV from your baby-walker.  Trying to raise your own yardstick is not possible anymore.  (If it's not made in China, it's probably made by Artwright™).  But still, you need to come down to earth for this one.  


My opinion of a good yardstick would be Character.  You want great looks plus character; you have to dig really deep.  Those are rare gems.  You need plenty of luck, and you may need to be as gorgeous yourself, or you won't match up.  Forget those great looking hunks of physical perfection for a while.  That should improve your chances of finding more good men.  Just to show why character becomes an all important trait to look for, I quote evangelist Billy Graham:  "When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost." 


So start getting to know them first, otherwise you can't see that character at all.  For all you know, your 'quality man' could be like the froggy sitting on a lotus leaf.  (As for the One sitting on the lotus flower, He's way above us all).  Of course, I'd be really unreasonably idealistic if I expect you to go out and pick on that froggy looking chap just to prove a point.  It's got to be someone you'd not be afraid to be seen with.  The fact is, once you've got to know someone and understand him well enough, you won't be afraid to be seen with him.  Otherwise, forget it.  He doesn't need your sympathy vote.


Well...  I really don't know.  Fate?  Luck?  Destiny?  Karma?  (remember what you did in your last life?)  Go out and meet them.  Live and learn.  Just keep both eyes open, even if you believe love is blind.  Then close your eyes and imagine living with him. 



  1. For this topic, I think let the laddies talk first then we will know what is their stand point on the "quality men" !

  2. There was a discussion on this in Saleena's page with a question: Why?

  3. I don't think so is "why" they are looking for. In my opinion is "what" they are try to looking for..

  4. Maybe you missed my point? I mean the 'why?' in the webpage: http://saleena.multiply.com/journal/item/31

  5. All the while, I thought they were talking about He-Man but were shy to admit

  6. In same league as Wonder-Woman? Hahaha. There we go...different era, different images...

  7. Just stumbled on this after ages. I like the stand you make here. Indeed, ultimately the yardstick is determined by the... owner of the yard? *Chuckles*

    My humble opinion, for centuries the community has dictated the norms of a marriage and the prevailing culture needs no introduction. I guess right now the seeds of change are just starting to surface. According to history, those who dared to challenge conventions were always branded as rebels and outcasts. Those who persevered created a revolution for their descendants.

    I'm not talking about a coup d'etat of genders here but just the subtle changes of the last few decades are beginning to surface and one thing's for sure, change always makes 95% of the population cringe and fear. The outcome shall be seen in time to come. :)

  8. Hmm.. that's more than a year. I also love going back in time to see how my thought patterns worked back then...
    Yard; right, I own this, but you're free to air your opinions. In fact I welcome them.
    Gender; nope. I don't discriminate. I don't care what skin color or what God you pray to either. I welcome all civilized individuals.
    Changes; I get a little stiff there but I still can accommodate some subtle changes.